Testicle Importation

By David Glenn Cox

Those of you who know me well, know I’m a buy American first kind of guy. I don’t drive foreign cars or eat fancy foreign cheeses but you just can’t grow a good Brazil nut in Omaha. There are sometimes when importation is the only answer to a national shortage.

Don’t ask me why, maybe its the fluoride in the water or all those atom bomb tests back in the 1950’s but this country is facing a serious testicle shortage. It would certainly seem to explain the volume of porn on the Internet as sexually damaged American men are too embarrassed to show a full growd woman their shriveled nut sack with two sun maid raisins inside.

Now we’ve got plenty of your dime store variety balls, the drunk in the bar in the bar that accosts everyone with, “What’d you say?” Or the Monday Night Football variety, “You say one more word about the Packers and I’ll kill you!” We’ve got plenty of the military variety, “Okay men, listen up. At 0600 hours there will be a B-52 strike on the target. That will be followed by a two hour cruise missile attack. Then at 0830 our artillery will commence firing at the the target and at 0930 we will begin our ground assault, are their any questions?”

“Yes sir, do we know how many enemy are in the target zone?”

“Intelligence says, maybe fifteen or twenty, maybe!”

The everyday garden variety American man with a pair seems to have disappeared. While he’ll fight you Monday night he remains silent in the office meeting on Monday morning when the boss speaks.

“Now people, as you know business has been a little slow. We’re going to have to tighten up our belts around here. To start with, I’ve done away with the annual bonus and profit sharing. There is going to be a fifty percent rise in your health care premiums, now, if you have any questions or concerns speak with Mr. Kruger, he will be in charge of the office while I’m away on an extended vacation on my yacht in the Caribbean.

Our Monday Night Football killer says only, (sniff) “have a safe trip.”

Its humiliating, there was a time in this country when twenty thousand marched in Detroit demanding food and jobs. The fire department turned fire hoses on them and the police fired into the crowd. Two days later sixty thousand more showed up.

Today amid job cuts, wage cuts and pension pilferage business and banking executives are still breathing normally and their legs are still in perfect working condition. It’s a sad testament to our vanishing culture that the country that invented tar & feathering today worries more about where to park the Volvo.

We need to ask the French for a Berlin style airlift to deliver us testicles. The French President Sarkozy suggested raising the retirement age from 60 to 62 and the country erupts into strikes by school teachers, truck drivers, garbage men, air traffic controllers. The trains have stopped, the gas stations are closed they’re one step away from Armageddon as Sarkozy sits in Elisa Palace holding his head saying, “Holy Moly!” or whatever the the French equivalent of “Holy Moly!”might be.

I mean we could ask, right? They helped us during our revolution and we helped them in WW2 and we took over for them Vietnam. Hey wait, there’s an idea, we could ask the Vietnamese. Every GI I’ve ever talked to said those North Vietnamese were some ballsy sons of bitches. But we still need the help of the French, we need their knowledge and their leadership and their testicles!

The French just have a way with these things, they can go out and drink and cheat on their wives and make all look so romantic and even stylish. Americans try that and it just looks redneck, a room at the motel 6 and urinating behind the Amoco station.

in Paris several hundreds of thousands took to the streets in protest. In Toulouse three hundred thousand took to the streets all across France the numbers are in the millions! Surely, they could spare us a few thousand to train us in that, what do you call it again? Standing up for ourselves?

“[These protests are] an attempt to say stop abusing the workers and citizens," Christian Coste, head of the CGT Union at Total’s La Mede refinery, said. "We are not here to bring France to its knees and create a shortage, we are here to make ourselves heard." Workers have been striking for five days straight at the refinery in southern France.”

This is just another version of the Greece gambit that we saw earlier this summer where international bankers create a financial crisis by manipulating bond markets. Forcing governments to push austerity measures on the backs of the poor and the elderly. Barack Obama plans to drop the hammer on us with his cat food commission after the November elections. Now the faithful don’t like it when I call it the cat food comission. So instead, I’ll call it the Meow Mix mediation board. They plan this same stunt, raising the retirement age to 67 and they don’t care that it will force more elderly to stay in the job market and make the unemployment problem worse.

They also don’t care that the top tax rate in France is 50 percent and the top tax rate in the United States its 35 percent. No talk of raising taxes on the rich or paring back a run away defense budget. You know why? They’ve got no balls! George W. Bush lied us into a war that has drained our treasury. Do you know why? Because he didn’t have the balls enough to tell us the truth. Instead he created a tax cut that costs us more than the Iraq/Afghanistan war. Bush wanted to play Santa Claus because nobody gets mad or questions Santa’s nut sack when he starts wars!

These tax cuts are wasteful, especially during the current depression but Obama plans to keep them in place, know why? Because Barack Obama has no balls. He doesn’t have the testicular fortitude to stand up and say, “People making a quarter of a million dollars per year don’t need tax relief. People unemployed or making less than a living wage are suffering and its these people that need their government’s help.”

On American websites you get the comments, “That’s what will happen in America if the unions have their way!” This is why we need the draft, you just can’t depend on Mother Nature to thin the ranks of these gibbering idiots by herself. There aren’t enough light sockets for these people to stick their fingers into or build it yourself hang glider kits!

These people who rail about the nanny state are too stupid to realize that, that is the purpose of government, it’s the old life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness thing they slept through in high school. They would prefer the non nanny state where men with guns in trucks rob the poor killing and raping at their pleasure. Where the roads are dirt and the schools are made of mud and help is just another ignorant gibbering miscreant reading from a holy book.

Before the onset of STS (shrunken testicle syndrome) average Americans were a vocal and a powerful force in American politics. Throughout this nations history average men and women have taken to the streets and fought for their rights. In the 1930’s in New York there were riots as anti-eviction groups would do battle with police to stop evictions.

In the 1960’s tens of thousands of Americans took to the streets to demand, not meekly beg, but demand that their government listen to them. They fought in the streets for civil rights, free speech and to end a stupid, useless, bloody, stinking war that the politicians still thought was a good idea.

There was a time in this country when crossing a picket line might earn you a fat lip or a black eye, or worse. A time when wages and benefits were going up and not down. During the last Great Depression Colorado lawmakers failed to pass legislation to allow for New Deal programs in Colorado. Angry mobs attacked the capital forcing the police to evacuate the lawmakers to safety. It was Bastille day in Denver and the legislation was quickly amended. That’s how it is supposed to work, if lawmakers do just a modicum of a reasonable job they’re left alone by the populace.

But when the lawmakers decide to solve problems by selling us into servitude and can think of no other solution but taking from the old, the sick and the weak. Then the lawmakers deserve to cower in the dark and to worry about how they’ll get home at night. This country needs demonstrations and strikes like those in France worse than it has ever needed them.

To remind the leadership of this country that we aren’t just Bozo’s on this damn bus. To remind them that this is our damn bus! We decide which way it will go! We decide when wars stop and we decide when we’ve had enough. As Mr. Coste said, “[These protests are] an attempt to say stop abusing the workers and citizens," To remind the leadership that there are more matches than there are fire extinguishers. That we out number them by ten thousand to one and all that we lack are testicles.