Michael Moore: put Away Your Hankies...

by Michael Moore

Dear Friends, Enough of the handwringing! Enough of the doomsaying! Do I have
to come there and personally calm you down? Stop with all the defeatism, OK?
Bush IS a goner

IF we all just quit our whining and bellyaching and stop shaking like a bunch
of nervous ninnies. Geez, this is embarrassing! The Republicans are laughing
at us. Do you ever see them cry

"Oh, it’s all over! We are finished! Bush can’t win! Waaaaaa!" Hell no. It’s
never over for them until the last ballot is shredded. They are never finished
— they just keeping moving forward like sharks that never sleep, always pushing,
pulling, kicking, blocking, lying.

They are relentless and that is why we secretly admire them — they just
simply never, ever give up. Only 30% of the country calls itself
"Republican," yet the Republicans own it all — the White House, both
houses of Congress, the Supreme Court and the majority of the
governorships. How do you think they’ve been able to pull that off
considering they are a minority? It’s because they eat you and me and
every other liberal for breakfast and then spend the rest of the day
wreaking havoc on the planet.

Look at us — what a bunch of crybabies. Bush gets a bounce after his
convention and you would have thought the Germans had run through Poland
again. The Bushies are coming, the Bushies are coming! Yes, they caught
Kerry asleep on the Swift Boat thing. Yes, they found the frequency in
Dan Rather and ran with it. Suddenly it’s like, "THE END IS NEAR! THE
SKY IS FALLING!"

No, it is not. If I hear one more person tell me how lousy a candidate
Kerry is and how he can’t win... Dammit, of COURSE he’s a lousy
candidate — he’s a Democrat, for heavens sake! That party is so
pathetic, they even lose the elections they win! What were you
expecting, Bruce Springsteen heading up the ticket? Bruce would make a
helluva president, but guys like him don’t run — and neither do you or
I. People like Kerry run.

Yes, OF COURSE any of us would have run a better, smarter, kick-ass
campaign. Of course we would have smacked each and every one of those
phony swifty boaty bastards down. But WE are not running for president
— Kerry is. So quit complaining and work with what we have. Oprah just
gave 300 women a... Pontiac!

Did you see any of them frowning and moaning and screaming, "Oh God, NOT
a friggin’ Pontiac!" Of course not, they were happy. The Pontiacs all
had four wheels, an engine and a gas pedal. You want more than that,
well, I can’t help you. I had a Pontiac once and it lasted a good year.
And it was a VERY good year.
My friends, it is time for a reality check.

1. The polls are wrong. They are all over the map like diarrhea. On
Friday, one poll had Bush 13 points ahead — and another poll had them
both tied. There are three reasons why the polls are b.s.: One, they are
polling "likely voters." "Likely" means those who have consistently
voted in the past few elections. So that cuts out young people who are
voting for the first time and a ton of non-voters who are definitely
going to vote in THIS election. Second, they are not polling people who
use their cell phone as their primary phone. Again, that means they are
not talking to young people. Finally, most of the polls are weighted
with too many Republicans, as pollster John Zogby revealed last week.
You are being snookered if you believe any of these polls.

2. Kerry has brought in the Clinton A-team. Instead of shunning Clinton
(as Gore did), Kerry has decided to not make that mistake.

3. Traveling around the country, as I’ve been doing, I gotta tell ya,
there is a hell of a lot of unrest out there. Much of it is not being
captured by the mainstream press. But it is simmering and it is real. Do
not let those well-produced Bush rallies of angry white people scare
you. Turn off the TV! (Except Jon Stewart and Bill Moyers — everything
else is just a sugar-coated lie).

4. Conventional wisdom says if the election is decided on "9/11" (the
fear of terrorism), Bush wins. But if it is decided on the job we are
doing in Iraq, then Bush loses. And folks, that "job," you might have
noticed, has descended into the third level of a hell we used to call
Vietnam. There is no way out. It is a full-blown mess of a quagmire and
the body bags will sadly only mount higher. Regardless of what Kerry
meant by his original war vote, he ain’t the one who sent those kids to
their deaths — and Mr. and Mrs. Middle America knows it. Had Bush
bothered to show up when he was in the "service" he might have somewhat
of a clue as to how to recognize an immoral war that cannot be "won."
All he has delivered to Iraq was that plasticized turkey last
Thanksgiving. It is this failure of monumental proportions that is going
to cook his goose come this November.

So, do not despair. All is not over. Far from it. The Bush people need
you to believe that it is over. They need you to slump back into your
easy chair and feel that sick pain in your gut as you contemplate
another four years of George
W. Bush. They need you to wish we had a candidate who didn’t windsurf
and who was just as smart as we were when WE knew Bush was lying about
WMD and Saddam planning 9/11. It’s like Karl Rove is hypnotizing you —
"Kerry voted for the war...Kerry voted for the war...Kerrrrrryyy
vooootted fooooor theeee warrrrrrrrrr..."
Yes...Yes...Yesssss...He did! HE DID! No sense in fighting now...what I
need is sleep...sleeep...sleeeeeeppppp...

WAKE UP! The majority are with us! More than half of all Americans are
pro-choice, want stronger environmental laws, are appalled that assault
weapons are back on the street — and 54% now believe the war is wrong.
YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE TO CONVINCE THEM OF ANY OF THIS — YOU JUST HAVE TO
GIVE THEM A RAY OF HOPE AND A RIDE TO THE POLLS. CAN YOU DO THAT? WILL
YOU DO THAT?

Just for me, please? Buck up. The country is almost back in our hands.
Not another negative word until Nov. 3rd! Then you can bitch all you
want about how you wish Kerry was still that long-haired kid who once
had the courage to stand up for something. Personally, I think that kid
is still inside him. Instead of the wailing and gnashing of your teeth,
why not hold out a hand to him and help the inner soldier/protester come
out and defeat the forces of evil we now so desperately face. Do we have
any other choice?

Yours, Michael Moore

www.michaelmoore.com

mmflint@aol.com